2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
