His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
