you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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