It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
