good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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