I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
