this beer tastes like vomit already
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
