At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
