Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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