Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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