So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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