She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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