she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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