yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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