ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
