wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
