using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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