can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
