turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
