I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
