So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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