your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
