I can text with my tongue
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
