Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
