My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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