WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
