apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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