You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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