I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
