It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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