Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's blow job season.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
