You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
