Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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