you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
