We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
