He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
