Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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