Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
