I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
