piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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