is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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