Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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