How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
