Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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