i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
