well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
