we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
