Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
