For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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