Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
