I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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