Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
