Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
