So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
