She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
