I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Green mimosas i think yes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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