ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
