Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
