the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
