I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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