i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
