I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
