I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
