yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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