I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize