Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
