I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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