What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
