FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
