I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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