first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I need help removing her.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
