The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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