I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize