I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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