grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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