Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
