I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
