i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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