I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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