ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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