If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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