I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
